New year, new me. We see this constantly around this time as the seasons change in preparation for the New Year and the long, cold, quiet months of February and March. We all say it, as we begin to break out new journals, blog posts, and vision boards that we fill with our goals for the upcoming year. Then, after a few weeks we fall right back in to old habits. Honestly, this is nothing to be ashamed of, and I think we are the ones who put the most pressure on ourselves as we revert back to old ways. Don't let yourself off the hook easy, but realize it is okay! You are only human. I like to make plans, and considering 2017 was a very hard year for me, I went into 2018 with a plan to make some changes in my life and I do feel like I have accomplished some of them. I have vastly traveled, I completed my masters thesis and received my degree, I have somehow managed to get through my terrible graduate school, landed a perfect museum internship, and I have become more independent, adventurous, and a tad bit more confident (I'm working on it okay!). I have visited beautiful libraries, read Italian manuscripts, and learned more about Giorgio de Chirico and World War II than I ever imagined. I climbed the Alps in Switzerland, had a spiritual experience at the Cabaret Voltaire, observed Marc Chagall stained glass windows, and spent hours in the Museo del Prado. I finally got to see Vermeer's Girl with the Pearl Earring. In the spring I randomly surprised my family with a visit home, and toured Italy with my boyfriend. This fall I saw a Yayoi Kusama, Infinity Mirrors show, watched my family change for the better, and begun teaching at the Rubin Museum of Art in New York City. I even went to church yesterday for the first time in six years. So that being said, I had a pretty amazing year which I worked very hard for in every single way. Remember, this is all me reflecting on the wonderful things that happened in 2018, because I don't enjoy sitting here reminiscing on all of the terrible times. I've had my fair share of tears, fights, and anxiety attacks. I was lazy in the summer when I could have done more for my thesis. Even though I love it and am so thankful for it, I have an underpaid internship and getting job rejections weekly. I only went to church once (I mean come on seriously?), and et cetera, et cetera. But, the year is over and the negativity can stay in the past like broken hair-ties and bad company.
I tried my best. I think we forget sometimes that "our best" is not the same as someone else's best. Everyone has different goals, finances, personalities, and circumstances. Often, I compare myself to others and say "Wow, they are doing something great and all I do is teach kids," and then I fall into a mood that only I put myself in. What I need to realize is that my life, my interests, my attitude is different than others. So my goals in 2019 are to gain confidence, become less judgmental, take a social media break, find my faith, hold myself to a higher standard, make more art, and get a full time job in the museum field. All things which I hope I can accomplish. What are yours? Happy New Year everyone! Xoxo, Melissa
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I was talking to my parents about room shares and potential sofa beds I could sleep on a few nights a week for an internship I landed in New York City, I found myself telling them many positive things as they did the understandable worrying: “Melissa, that person sounds weird,” “It's a male roommate, it seems sketchy,” “I don’t see how you’re going to find someone trustworthy to live in,” “It’s a bad area, I say no.” (I’m 24 my can my parents even say “no” anymore?) Kidding! As I heard all of their rightful concerns I replied “I did a lot of traveling for the last year, and while traveling I have realized that many people are good. Most people are just trying to travel on a budget, work, pay rent, and still enjoy life.” Now, I’m not saying that the world isn't surrounded by crime and danger, because there is a lot of it, but I find that the more we watch the news, surf the web, and willingly access click-bait the majority of the content is negative. When do we really pay attention to the good? When we watch that passing Ellen video on Facebook? Or when the 3 sibling dogs at the animal shelter are adopted together? If you think about it we commit more of our time to worrying and obsessing over all of the terrible things in this world that we forget that there is an entire other group of people who are good, who are just trying to live and still have an enjoyable life. I think todays young professionals are all doing this trying to live, work, and travel thing. I know we are criticized by older generations, and from their perspective we may be lazy or selfish as we study to become painters, bloggers, personal trainers, holistic healers, yoga instructors, photographers, etc. but the reality is that we are simply not going to enter into a position that is going to make us completely miserable and still pay the bare minimum. I’m not knocking the nurses, medical professionals, CEO’s and lawyers for their line of work-I respect you all, you work very hard for what you gain and that is commendable. In a way I’m even envious, because not only are you living well-off but you’re also enjoying your profession. However, that just isn’t for everyone. And again, a lot of emerging professionals are just trying to work, pay their bills, save a little bit, and experience life. Nevertheless, for some of us a 9-5 that barely pays the bills just isn’t enough; we may as well enter a career or trade that we love and still struggle the same amount. Because in reality only a very few people make the big bucks and the rest of us are just hanging out down here wondering how we’re going to get said position after we graduate without five years minimum experience. So for all of you who are struggling, as you see your loan statement pop up on your email for that degree you think is useless, don’t say “I should have gone to medical school,” because you wouldn't be happy. Even if you think you would be happy because it would pay the bills, you still wouldn’t be happy because you would be doing something that would make you miserable. As a good friend of mine said “You never really know the value of something you love until you experience a setback.” Trust God, trust the process, and know that it will work out. Philippians 4:6 “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.” (NLT version) This year has been hard, but with help from God and prayer I have also gained strength and maturity. I think that when you grow up and stay in one place for to long you are groomed into what you end up calling normal, but when you open up the box you were raised in and discover a new culture, you are able to develop your own normal. I went away last August thinking I would discover myself and have this great revelation about my life, when in reality I did nothing of the sort. I did, however, discover a new normal for me which in some ways is different from what I was used to in the States and in other ways is the same. People really are just people, no matter where you are in the world they are good and bad, annoying and calm, fun and boring. And while in Italy I encountered a lot of people who showed me exactly who I did not want to be. I have arrived back in America knowing this and feeling extremely thankful for that realization. In Italy things were cold, distant, and that support I needed was totally lacking (with the exception of a few select people that I now absolutely love). I soon realized how lucky I am to have a few awesome friends who are in full support of each other. I have a respectful and kind boyfriend who treats me as an equal partner. I have a caring family that allows me to always come home again. As I now unpack my bags and try to revisit my life here and find a new normal, I know a few things that I want to always be: kind and understanding, welcoming and empathetic, strong and balanced, fierce and educated. So for all those embarking on a new journey this upcoming semester, whether it be study abroad, college, graduate school, a new job, a new relationship, just keep a few things in mind:
1. You will change. It might be in small ways and you might not see it right away but it will happen. Welcome it as it comes, but know whats right and whats wrong for you. 2. It’s okay to be alone. Spend time with yourself, disconnect from wifi and electronics. Read books, take yourself out for dinner or to a movie. You’ll be surprised how much you can learn about yourself when you spend some time alone. 3. Welcome those who care about you into your life. Let them teach you. 4. Balance and time management are everything. Learn them and perfect them. 5. It’s cliche, and very hard to do, but don’t let others bring you down. Instead acquire knowledge from their negative personalities. If they are rude, bitter, or disrespectful realize that this is how not to act. However, try to be understanding, for they might be dealing with something that is causing them to act that way. 6. Not everyone is a cool cucumber, its okay to be fierce and spunky. Just do it with grace and maturity. 7. You can always go home again. Good luck. |
Author: Melissa KirkAll blog posts are written by Melissa unless otherwise cited. No part of this publication may be distributed without prior permission from the author. |